The Gift of Humility

The Power of Humility is significant. Power is defined by dictionaries as the ability to act effectively. I believe that it is a positive thing, though there are plenty of instances where power is associated with abuse. But power can be used for noble ends! Never before have I felt so much power, so much new ability to act, and learn, and know, and be. It is as a direct result of my recent insights on the virtue of Humility, which I wish to tell you of.

In a world of ego, humility seems the most nebulous of the virtues. Ego is not understood, so humility is not understood. At least, that is how I felt... I rarely use the word ego in spiritual talks and writing, because I feel so strongly that it is misunderstood and actually gets in the way of understanding. So I undertook a specific quest, a shift in focus: to find the meaning of humility. It has been three weeks since I made a list of virtues I wished to explore, and I chose to begin with Humility.

It is my understanding that Beginner's Mind can only manifest with great Humility. I've been searching for a teacher for a long time, and I've always taken the role upon myself. I felt as if there was no one to help me learn, so I had to do it all myself. The one thing I had to surrender, and continue to do so, was the certainty that I knew. This is hard for me, even though I am known to be a critical thinker, a skeptic and a doubter, despite my great faith in the universe and the gods. Despite all the instances in my life, the concrete experiences of interactions with the Divine, conversations with god-like beings and witnessing my own ability to perform great acts of magic and kindness, I question endlessly.

But it wasn't 'the certainty that I knew' that was the hardest thing to shake. Something new is arising within me. Even as I type, I feel bumps shiver across my skin at the notion. The certainty that 'all things should be questioned' has been laid bare before me in my mind and suddenly I am not so certain that questioning everything is useful to my growth. This is becoming real for me now. The exact phrase eludes me, but the gist of it is that I have been challenged to believe in myself and through myself, manifest heaven.

To find my teachers, to be able to learn and move forward toward the truth, to become the master, I had to become the servant to a thing higher than myself. I have to give up one question, and one question alone, then give it my all.

Humility is the symptom of someone who has taken upon themselves the ultimate service. It is a badge of the initiated, and to be initiated into the fold of my higher self requires absolutely unquestioning faith in the highness of that self. It is an act of courage, obviously. And this type of service is not a sacrifice of freedom but a further movement into liberation. You see, all these virtues create intricate patterns and knots and interrelationships. Their sum is love, and that love is the illimitable sacredness of being.

Humility is the state of pure learning. Humility is strong, not weak. Humility is unshakable. It is not to become meek, not to abase oneself to make other people feel comfortable. It is to become great and to use that greatness to elevate this earth and its peoples toward heaven in every action and gesture my consciousness allows me to activate as mine. It is the most beautiful progression toward perfected patterns of life. It is harmony with the transience of all things.

Humility has helped me find love, in you, Stephanie. Humility has allowed me to unfold and open in a way I have never even contemplated and for once, yes, such a blessed thing has happened -- I am at a loss for words! The energy of words pours now into my heart, into my blood and life force, translating into proactive awareness and action. I have sprung into new life, new awareness, new ability and this is what I mean by 'power'.

I also found that Humility is to limp from an uncertain battlefield. Returning home into your arms, and allowing the possibility of healing. I cling to my wounds, my pain, my hurt and couldn't let it go, because of pride. And with that pride, like you said to me, is a guilt for fleeing, for failing. So a phantom was haunting me but only because I dragged it along behind me from the past.

I was proud too, to have the identity of someone who gave it all against impossible odds. But I think that some wounds will heal if I just let them go, if I stop telling myself the stories that they are my personal wounds from my personal battles. These are neither wounds nor battles, and they certainly are not personal. Humility discards the personal for the divine.

Humility is to surrender the fight. To sit down and let loss blow through you and take your petals into the wind. It is great peace and solitude. It is to become your only opponent and your closest friend. Humility is not in competition with anything at all, not even itself. There is no 'very humble' person. There is either Humility, or there is resistance, obstacles, problems and the inability to listen, the inability to learn and thus the inability to heal, to live and to truly love.

With Humility comes a profound gratitude. The burden has been lifted at long last. With gratitude come endless abundance and the ability to give. And Humility also allows me to receive, which is after all, a giving of the very gift of giving! A restoration of the balance. Allowing another to give and allowing myself to receive. I have become able to trust, and to have faith... in myself, in God and in you.

And with that I feel something I have never felt and have never named and in it, I am born truly into this life, and into your arms.

Today was the first rain of spring.

Air has never felt so good to breathe.